dream a little dream
It’s my third wedding anniversary today and I’ve just checked in to the Four Seasons for a romantic night with the husband. I’ve got about 2 hours to myself before he arrives so I’ve taken the obligatory photo of the amazing view from our harbour view suite and read a magazine over a cup of tea. I haven’t turned on the TV or radio, it’s quiet. The street noise and boat horns from Circular Quay are muffled by the 30 story distance down to the street.
The baby is at home with his Nana, my mum, and although I know she can easily manage him (she raised 4 kids practically single handed), I hope he’s not giving her a hard time. I was up with him all night last night.
I’m sitting at a beautiful big wooden desk in our room in silence, writing. I’m dreaming of a day when my life is one big holiday with time out taken in between walks on the beach and long lunches to write and do my work. You see, the beauty of being a writer is that I can do my work anywhere. I can write at home, in a hotel room, in a café, on the beach, in the air, on the road, out at sea… With the ability to connect to the world on line, I could be anywhere doing anything.
With the end of my 12 months maternity leave rapidly approaching I find myself dreaming about this lifestyle more and more. I miss the social aspect of my job but not the work. I miss the feeling of accomplishment and recognition for a job well done, but not the demands and office politics.
As I sit here at this big desk, looking out at the harbour, knowing the only schedule I’m on today is my own, I wonder, am I worthy of this dream? Do I have what it takes to make it come true? What will it take and am I brave enough to chase it?
It was easy to take big risks before the mortgage, before the baby. And although we are in a good place financially it’s not quite enough for me to quit my day job and focus entirely on my writing. But when will it be time? If we make a few sacrifices and put off buying a bigger house for a few years maybe we could do it. But is it fair to expect my husband and son to do without just so I can chase a dream?
I wish I was brave, like my friend the artist who quit office work to focus on her painting and is opening another solo art show tonight. Or like my sister who left retail to train and start her own business in fitness.
I want to be brave.
Dreaming is dreaming… When is the time for doing?